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How To Talk to Your Partner About Finances

Shared bank accounts and split expenses can create stress in relationships if you don’t have a plan. Here are tips on how to start talking to your partner about money and keep the conversation going.

Stacey Black (She/Her/Hers)
BECU Lead Financial Educator
Updated Jan 22, 2026 in: Budgeting

Read time: 7 minutes

Takeaways: Money Talk Essentials for Couples

Create a comfortable environment: Discuss finances in a relaxed, neutral setting that promotes open communication.
Use "I" statements when discussing money: Approach financial topics with empathy to avoid blame and encourage productive conversations.
Align financial goals: Discuss income, debt and savings plans to ensure both partners are on the same page for future goals.
Seek transparency: Try to be as open as possible with your partner about money habits, including spending and saving.

Interests, values, passions, even your most embarrassing moments — after a while, you might feel like you and your partner have shared it all.

But have you talked about your finances openly?

A 2024 Fidelity study (PDF) revealed more than one in four couples often feel frustrated by their partner's approach to money, but avoid addressing it to keep the peace. Main concerns among participants included earning enough to support lifestyles, buying a home, retirement and emergency savings.

Financial secrecy can also strain relationships. Some Americans commit "money infidelity" by hiding cards, accounts and spending from a partner, according to a recent Bankrate survey. These percentages are highest among Gen Z and decline with age.

For some couples, geography adds challenges. A 2025 Wise survey found that couples in cross-border relationships (with a partner who lives abroad) have twice the number of fights compared to those who live in the same country.

So, while asking "How much money do you have saved?" might not be the ideal conversation starter every date night, talking about your financial goals can bring you closer and help you better understand each other.

Here are some tips to help tackle those important conversations.

1. Pick a Neutral Spot To Talk

Ask almost any couple, and they'll tell you when it comes to money — talking about setting budgets, splitting bills and staying on track can get awkward.

Take the discomfort out by having the conversation about money in a comfortable setting.

Take the dog on a walk. Grab your favorite beverage in a relaxing coffeehouse or wine bar. Whatever you do, try not to have major distractions — like the big game or your cell phone buzzing in the background.

2. Be Open: It's OK To Be Scared

Money choices and disagreements are often driven by fear. Maybe you're afraid credit scores will drop if your partner forgets to pay a bill, or you won't have enough for retirement if you can't afford to add to your 401(k).

A 2025 study found that individuals experiencing high financial stress are less likely to discuss finances with a partner, due to anticipating more conflict. These conversations are more likely if you engage with an attitude of viewing conflicts as solvable rather than never-ending, the study notes.

How you talk about money can defuse tension when emotions are running high. Talk about how you can resolve issues so you can someday own a home, pay off student loans or fund life's goals.

Use "I" Statements

Try to use "I" statements when conveying these emotions: "I'm afraid our retirement savings won't be enough if we're not contributing 'X' amount to our 401(k) plans;" or, "If we don't pay our bills on time, I'm afraid our credit scores will make it more difficult to buy a house."

By doing this, you'll reduce defensiveness and spark healthy opportunities for change.

3. Cover Basic Financial Goals

Want to save for your future? Start with the basics, whether it's first-year baby costs, retirement savings, going on vacation or an emergency fund.

Look at your income — what you take home after taxes, insurance and other deductions from your paycheck. Talk about your debt, assets, and most importantly, your financial goals as a couple. That way you and your partner are on the same page when it comes to a shared vision for your future.

4. Divide Financial Responsibilities

Somehow, it tends to shake out that one person in the relationship either wants to handle the money or is better at handling it. If that describes your partner, let them do it!

Good partnerships often define roles and stick to them (with flexibility, of course).

An important part of combining finances in relationships is deciding who is in charge of monitoring and paying bills. Ideally, you're both in tune. But one person managing the accounts, budgets and passwords can make coordinating the many ins and outs much easier.

Remember: Be flexible. If one person manages the accounts, find solutions if they become overwhelmed or need help. It's important for the other partner to know when, and how, to step in.

Dos and Don'ts of Offering Help

Do:

Use productive words that avoid blame: Relieve, help, assist, give you a hand, take the burden off, make it easy in any way.

Don't:

Use combative terms: Take over, overhaul, fix, do this, figure it out, handle it.

For example:

Do say: "Can I give a hand in figuring out why we were charged extra for our garbage service last month?"

Don't say: "Why were we charged extra for our garbage service last month? I'll need to take over to figure this out."

5. Keep Shared Accounts and Accounting Transparent

If you have joint accounts, make sure both partners have access to Online Banking and Money Manager tools, so you both can see what's happening with your money whenever you want to.

Even if you don't share accounts, strive for transparency in debt, spending, and saving. The recent Bankrate survey found 40% of U.S. adults have committed financial infidelity against a partner — from secretly overspending to having hidden credit cards and accounts.

The study notes that separate checking or credit accounts can help ensure each committed partner's financial independence. However, these accounts differ from secret accounts.

6. Talk Budget

Now that you've discussed what each of you take home, start talking about a budget to help define what "on track" looks like for you and your partner.

Make a detailed list of expenses. Some bills stay the same every month, like rent, cellphone, garbage, car payments, student loans and day care. Others can vary, like water, electricity, gas and groceries. Estimate how much you'll need to cover all the essentials.

Then, be realistic about how much you spend on fun or extras. Talk through where you can cut back if necessary.

Pretty soon, you'll know how much you can expect to have in your account each month, how much is available to spend, and how much you can start saving for bigger goals and the fun things in life.

7. Bring Solutions

Remember what we learned earlier about solutions easing the way to financial discussions.

Consider going one more step beyond "I" statements and either brainstorm together or bring a solution to the table: "I noticed some bills haven't been paid. I'm afraid our credit scores will be affected. I can help with paying the bills to help relieve you if you're feeling burdened by that task."

8. Learn Together

Let's face it: Having financial conversations with your partner can be intimidating. You don't want to disappoint them or get frustrated by them.

Make a point to utilize financial resources at your credit union or bank. For example, BECU offers free webinars and seminars and Financial Health Checks for members.

Turn to a third party when you need a neutral voice to step in and offer advice. Sometimes, a friend, family member or financial professional can play a crucial role in helping you keep the conversation going and learning together.

FAQs

How Can I Talk to My Spouse About Money Without Fighting?

Ideally, start the conversation with your spouse during a time you're not stressed about a big issue, such as overspending or an unplanned bill. Set aside time when you're both free from other distractions and start your conversation on a positive note. Research has shown that approaching the conversation with a problem-solving attitude can increase the frequency of money talks. You may find that in time, you develop more financial intimacy and fight less frequently.

What Are Some Common Financial Arguments for Couples?

Regarding money matters, couples most frequently argue about "perceived irresponsibility" by one partner, according to recent research. Related conflicts concerned "one-sided financial decisions" and "different financial values. Other controversial money topics include:

Who pays for dates
Lack of planning or budgeting
Hiding or lying about income or expenses
Ongoing joint expenses
One-time joint expenses (moving in, wedding, vacation)
Unequal contributions to the joint household
How to split rent or mortgage payments
Different spending priorities or financial values

How Often Should Couples Talk About Finances?

When first starting out in conversation, it's ideal to have a more in-depth talk about budgeting, upcoming expenses and goal achievement at least once a month. Later, you can move to quarterly meetings. Make time to informally discuss the bigger financial picture as well. These could include key questions (PDF) around how money impacts your sense of security, freedom, status and giving.

Are There Advantages to Talking About Retirement As a Couple?

Couples who coordinate their retirement contributions earn more returns in retirement, according to a recent study from MIT. Couples can plan to maximize contributions to the employer-sponsored plan offering the highest match rate, for example, before other contributions. Couples who don't coordinate retirement contributions tend to earn lower returns.